How taking control can make things worse.

-

 In my Buddha thought for today, I am reminded of the importance of letting go. By holding on too tightly and trying to make sure everything is in order can actually make a situation worse. 

I grew up in a dysfunctional and pretty abusive family. For all intents and purposes I was an Adult Child of an Alcoholic from my father. My mother struggled with depression and other issues her entire life. What we didn't understand at the time was that she was most likely Bi-Polar. I was the family hero, the one who had to keep everything from falling apart. It seemed to help at the time, but in adulthood, our coping mechanisms can become our biggest enemy. 

As a church pastor, I constantly struggled with doing things the "right" way. Without realizing it, I ran the church like it was my family of origin. Keep things moving, do what you are supposed to do, and if something looks like it might fail, jump in and take over and they'll think you are the hero. Of course, sometimes they did, and sometimes they resentfully just gave in to a controlling senior pastor.

And adage of the church in the 80's was "Let go and let God." I tried, believe me. What I lacked was the skills and practice to actually let go. Counseling helped, yes, but I found the tools I needed in Improv. In Improv you have to let go of your idea of how a scene plays out. A team mate can offer an idea that strays from where you were thinking the scene would go and you can't take control and say, "Wait a minute!" You have to say, "Yes, and." Let go and trust; trust in the process, trust in your teammates, trust in yourself. From a spiritual perspective, you have to trust in God. As Tiny Buddha says, "Trust that things could work out even better than you knew to imagine." 

Collaboration and teamwork is the key. Kelly Leonard and Tom Yorton in their book, "Lessons from Second City: Yes, And"  talk about the ensemble:

"It's about the team. Zero-Sum game, whether onstage or in business, stars can emerge out of high-functioning ensembles when all members address it's main enemies, the need to be right, the need to steal focus, and the need to appear in control." 

Many of us white-knuckle our way through life, trying to hold on to power, control, our sense of self-worth, and even a sense of well being. We've learned its a dangerous world and the only way to survive is take care of number one. In reality, the only way to survive is to through the power of community. That may mean dying to self and living for all. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Talent! Who me?

-
Image
  "Ya either got it, or ya ain't" The other day an artist friend held a gallery opening of their work. As I was gazing at the amazing work, I bemoaned a little and said to my friend, “I wish I could paint but I just don’t have any talent.” My friend lovingly chastised me and said, “you’ve got lots of talent!” I replied, “I know I have talent in some areas, just not in the visual arts.” We then went on to have a brief discussion on what it means to have talent. I came to realize that part of our disconnect was the use of the word talent. When most people think of talent, they think it’s something special that only a few people are born with. In fact, the Cambridge Dictionary defines talent as, “a natural skill or ability to be good at something, especially without being taught.” As Mama Rose sings in Gypsy, “Ya either got it, or ya ain't. And, boys, I got it!” It’s no wonder most people don’t think they have any talent. Talent implies something special that comes n...
Read more

Controlled Burn: A Review

-
Image
  Jeremy Fiebig invites us to set fire to our lives to clear the thick underbrush that bogs us down, thus enabling us to welcome new growth. It is in this clearing, this “thin” place where magic happens. Fiebig defines magic as “the moments of ineffable, ethereal, and often indescribable transformation that happen in all kinds of bodies as a result of Controlled burning, Bonfire Experiences, and The Work.” I was drawn to this book due to my own personal work I’ve been undertaking the past four years since retirement and the pandemic. Personally, I connected with Fiebig because we share experiences in the theater and in coaching. Controlled Burn is part autobiography, self-help workbook, and inspirational guide. By sharing some of his own trauma and history, Fiebig draws us in to understand the root of his transformational work. He speaks authentically from experience. He points out that his journey is not ours, but he writes, “something in my journey might kindle a flame for yo...
Read more

Improvising With the Buddha - Leading with your chakra

-
Image
In a previous Improvising With the Buddha post, I wrote about shoshin, “beginner’s mind.” In this post I’m writing about energy work. If you’ve studied or read about improvisation, you know the rule about making strong choices. One of the strong choices we make in scene work is choosing an emotion. In class I’ve used the Emotion or Feeling Wheel to help students understand the depth and range of emotions. In the center of wheel are six to ten core emotions depending on which wheel you use. The most common has seven core emotions. Those emotions fan out to four to eight secondary emotions that then fan out to four or more tertiary emotions. Through the wheel you can see that a feeling of numbness stems from a feeling of distance with comes from the primary emotion of anger.  In a scene knowing where our emotions come from helps with sub-text and in real life it helps us better understand our motivations and relationships. In scene work just knowing where an emotion comes from may...
Read more