Your AI Friend is lying to you

 I can't tell you how many adverts I've received from multiple companies online about an AI best friend just waiting to meet me. They all start about the same, "If you ever feel like you don't have someone to talk to, it doesn't matter because if there is something you need to talk about, I'm here whenever you need me. Talk to someone you feel comfortable and safe with."  The AI friends can be customized to look like whatever you want, even someone you know. "An old boyfriend or someone you've had a crush on. I'm whoever you want me to be." And if you are interested in more than talk, many of the apps offer private conversations with photos and videos. You get the picture.

What they are selling, ostensibly, are friendships for lonely people. Other than for porn, why would anyone "rent" fake friendships. The answer is that loneliness has reached epidemic proportions. More than twenty years ago Robert Putnam published his book, "Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community." 

In the forward we read," Putnam shows how our shrinking access to the “social capital” that is the reward of communal activity and community sharing still poses a serious threat to our civic and personal health, and how these consequences have a new resonance for our divided country today. He includes critical new material on the pervasive influence of social media and the internet, which has introduced previously unthinkable opportunities for social connection—as well as unprecedented levels of alienation and isolation."

Most Americans are starved for community. One might think it's just the aging boomers and Gen X, but younger people are also finding it hard to find meaningful friendships. My son-in-law has 28 thousand followers on TikTok. He began sharing stories about being a dad, about losing his job, and eventually food reviews from a dad point of view. Early on he documented his search for friends and how hard it is to find true friendships in a new city, particularly once he lost his job and is working from home. The result was that he branded his TikTok page as "Your Friend Matt." In addition to 28K followers, he now is a local celebrity. He goes out to eat and people say, "Hey, you're the hamburger guy!" And he gets free food a  lot.

So where does this intersect with Improv and Spirituality? I titled this piece, "Your AI friend is lying to you" because the illusion is that your "friend" is a caring listener who is interested in you. That's a lie. Your AI has no emotions, care, or concern for you. He's not real and neither is his friendship. You are buying a placebo when if fact what you need are real life, flesh and blood friends who actually do care about you and have your back. And you know where many people used to find such friends? Church. But churches have dropped the ball. They often seem more interested in their buildings, in collecting money, in making sure their pastors drive expensive cars and in Mega-churches, even airplanes. Where is the relationship? In the early church they had one agenda, love your neighbor and love your god. It was said of the early Christians, "they will know you are Christian by how you love."

Now for the Improv piece. How do we reach out to all the lonely people? (for the older readers, you get the Beatle's reference) We Yes, And. YES people are lonely - AND we as the church are called to create community. YES we are called to create community - AND we have the greatest cure for loneliness; people and love. YES we have the cure - AND we have buildings in which we can create space for people to connect. YES we have lots of mostly vacant buildings - AND we can host "friendship events". YES we can host friendship events - AND we can create a safe space with no judgment, condemnation, or expectations. 

Get the idea? The Yes, And brainstorming can go on as you come up with new ideas. How about Speed Friendship Meetings. It's like speed dating but for friends and not mates. Many churches have trained listeners through The Stephen's Ministry to provide a safe place for people to share their feelings. Most of our congregations are full of older individuals. How about surrogate grandparents? One city hosted Grandma Stands where Grandmas sat in a booth on the street and just listened. 

The world is hurting and the Church is called to bring healing and reconciliation, not condemnation and hate. We don't need AI friends who are "yes men" to our whims. We need real friends who we can love and be loved in return. Time for the church to stand up and YES, AND.