When life doesn't go as planned

-


I hate the phrase, "Maybe it was for the best." It's always seems like a cop-out at best, or bad theology at worst. I've heard this, or very similar messages, given to people experiencing loss or grief due to tragic accidents, the death of children, broken relationships, or whatever painful loss we experience. Loss is real and grief is natural We want understanding when all we can do is accept. 

As it happens, this was the message on my tiny buddha calendar three days before we held the final service for the parish in which I had been serving. A faithful congregation of 119 years closed. Sadness, disappointment, loss, yes all of those. But it was clear that it was time. We can't change it, but as this buddha thought teaches, "if I resist the urge to judge a situation, I can find something good within it." Things don't always happen for the best, but if I act on the resurrected Christ, I can find something good. I can't change the situation, but I can change me. Drawing on the spirituality of improvisation, it is the classical, "Yes, and."

As improvisers we learn that every thing that happens is an offer. We can't reject or deny what has been given to us. We may think a scene is going along splendidly ( in other words, in a way that I like) when my scene partner throws me off by coming up with (in my opinion) the worst suggestion I've ever heard. The actor may forget, stumble, or even break a basic Improv rule, and my only response is to react in an honest way, receive the offer as a gift, and then go on building from there. It may be through gritted teeth, but my response must always be, Yes! And..."

But this is real life, not an improv skit. Its easy to yes and when there are no real stakes involved. It's just a show, after all. Life has consequences. I have righteous anger. I strike back, I whine and complain on Facebook so everyone knows how terribly the world has treated me. I either seek revenge or play the victim. But no matter, we can't change past events or deny reality and truth. The only way out is through, and that requires acceptance. Does art imitate life or visa-versa? As Shakespeare wrote, "All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players." 

Life rarely goes as planned. We live in a constant state of improvisation, making it up as we go along.  So we rely on our cliches: "If life hands you lemons?" "It's all for the best." "Look for the silver lining." I prefer the closing line of this meditation, " sometimes just by staying open to good, I inadvertently create it." 

For me, this is what the Incarnation and Resurrection are all about. "So," Christ said, "you beat me, nailed me to a tree, and killed me." Then he stepped out of the tomb and said, "Yes, and."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Controlled Burn: A Review

-
Image
  Jeremy Fiebig invites us to set fire to our lives to clear the thick underbrush that bogs us down, thus enabling us to welcome new growth. It is in this clearing, this “thin” place where magic happens. Fiebig defines magic as “the moments of ineffable, ethereal, and often indescribable transformation that happen in all kinds of bodies as a result of Controlled burning, Bonfire Experiences, and The Work.” I was drawn to this book due to my own personal work I’ve been undertaking the past four years since retirement and the pandemic. Personally, I connected with Fiebig because we share experiences in the theater and in coaching. Controlled Burn is part autobiography, self-help workbook, and inspirational guide. By sharing some of his own trauma and history, Fiebig draws us in to understand the root of his transformational work. He speaks authentically from experience. He points out that his journey is not ours, but he writes, “something in my journey might kindle a flame for yo...
Read more

Talent! Who me?

-
Image
  "Ya either got it, or ya ain't" The other day an artist friend held a gallery opening of their work. As I was gazing at the amazing work, I bemoaned a little and said to my friend, “I wish I could paint but I just don’t have any talent.” My friend lovingly chastised me and said, “you’ve got lots of talent!” I replied, “I know I have talent in some areas, just not in the visual arts.” We then went on to have a brief discussion on what it means to have talent. I came to realize that part of our disconnect was the use of the word talent. When most people think of talent, they think it’s something special that only a few people are born with. In fact, the Cambridge Dictionary defines talent as, “a natural skill or ability to be good at something, especially without being taught.” As Mama Rose sings in Gypsy, “Ya either got it, or ya ain't. And, boys, I got it!” It’s no wonder most people don’t think they have any talent. Talent implies something special that comes n...
Read more

Improvising With the Buddha - Leading with your chakra

-
Image
In a previous Improvising With the Buddha post, I wrote about shoshin, “beginner’s mind.” In this post I’m writing about energy work. If you’ve studied or read about improvisation, you know the rule about making strong choices. One of the strong choices we make in scene work is choosing an emotion. In class I’ve used the Emotion or Feeling Wheel to help students understand the depth and range of emotions. In the center of wheel are six to ten core emotions depending on which wheel you use. The most common has seven core emotions. Those emotions fan out to four to eight secondary emotions that then fan out to four or more tertiary emotions. Through the wheel you can see that a feeling of numbness stems from a feeling of distance with comes from the primary emotion of anger.  In a scene knowing where our emotions come from helps with sub-text and in real life it helps us better understand our motivations and relationships. In scene work just knowing where an emotion comes from may...
Read more